Guest Blog Post # 31: "If I Tell You, I'll Have to Kill You!" by the great Bill Woods!

If I Tell You, I'll Have to Kill You!


We tread a fine line as instructors. Not unlike how husbands learn to answer the "Does this dress make me look fat?" question, we must learn to speak the truth to our students but not so much truth that they slit their throats or vow never to ride again.

I, for one, try to strike a pragmatic balance. I try to follow my own advice: "Remember to teach them what they need to know. Don't try to tell them everything that you know all at once." Even then, sometimes I get into trouble.

Follow along with this exchange of texts conducted with a student of mine—an adult, long-time rider who is fairly new to dressage. As you might guess, her name has been changed. (Mine is still the same.)

Because "Jana" had some recurring, basic problems, one day I offered to video parts of her lesson. So we did ride-(video)-pause-view-discuss, ride-(video)-pause-view- discuss for the hour. When the lesson drew to a close, I handed her back her iPhone, made the obligatory "see you next week" small talk and went on my way.
Late that afternoon this perplexing text arrived from her:

Dear Bill, I watched myself in the shots u took Wednesday. I think I need to do a lot to improve. I consider my riding in the footage horrible. But I think u should have told me earlier. So you are fired.

Perplexing because as I read and re-read it, I couldn't decide if she was joking. From my point of view she should have been joking (at which point it would be worthy of a good chuckle at minimum), but the message had that kind of edge on it that just made me wonder...

I penned a noncommittal: Hmmm

And got this back:

I ride stiff and bracing and my horse cannot move :(

So far, I wasn't feeling very reassured. Somewhat defensively and self- justifyingly, I sent back:

Well of course that's part of why I made the video. One choice is to give him total freedom so he can move, but then you are no longer doing dressage. The other choice is to learn to shape him, supple him, and teach him to come through, and that requires an awareness, sensitivity, and experience that I have been trying to teach you.

And heard nothing. Several days passed. I couldn’t ascertain if I had been dismissed or if the joke was still running. I figured the best solution was to let it be, and if Jana wanted a lesson, she could contact me. At the beginning of the next week, in fact, she did just that:

Not serious about u being fired of course. My horses should fire me :( i should go back in caves...

And (whew!) all was well. My fears were unfounded. . . . or were they? At that next lesson Jana began with a semi-apology for her "temporary insanity," leading me to conclude that my first reaction to the original text wasn't that far off base.

"Okay," I said to myself, "you want the truth, here it comes with no frills." It's just not in my nature to deliver a destructive lesson, but if the "Suggest Twice and Wait for Self-Correction" approach has been rejected, then I am perfectly ready to amp up the "Drop and Give Me Twenty" alternative.

So that's how the next session played out – not unkindly, but with a goodly measure of nagging, harping, and "picking at scabs." Not my preferred modus operandi but, hey, it was what she had asked for.

Another week went by. One more cryptic text arrived in my inbox:

My grandmother used to tell me: "Little Jana: do not tease a cobra with your bare foot" I didn't listen... ;-))

One conclusion to draw? If you’re my student, be careful what you wish for. 


Blog by Bill Woods @ http://www.woodsdressage.com/blaggo_UR8C.html